This is a stroy i have done what do you think of it?

I'm afraid I didn't enjoy it very much because the grammar is pretty bad and that made it difficult to understand. I often had to read a sentence two or three times before I realised what it meant. Print it off and read it out loud or get someone to read it to you and you will hear the things that need changing. One example; "Everything was held he was happy with it all." You obviously know what that means because you wrote the story but the reader has no idea what you planned to write or what you meant to say and that sentence doesn't help because it doesn't make sense. Keep going with the writing though because practise makes perfect and you have the enthusiasm needed to write. Good luck with your writing.